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randinicholejoan

What if I were to tell you that yes, I know my black is beautiful but please don’t call me “queen”?

     I don’t doubt that queens walk amongst us (Bey is a force to be reckoned with), however, the stereotype of the “strong, independent, black woman that don’t need no man” has consequences.

     For decades, black women have been the punchline, the negative example, or used as the anthesis of what a real woman should be: pure, innocent, virginal and sweet. When you hear the phrase “America’s sweetheart” you’re more than likely to picture a knockoff Taylor Swift as opposed to Nicki Minaj. What I like to refer to as the current “Neo-Black Revolution” has birthed a 1970s-esque pro-Black mantra to uplift our sisters. African Queens with chocolate skin, an afro stretching for miles, and a strength of survival running through her veins that can only come from generations of oppression.

     Sometimes we are not strong, and this “goddess” concept perpetuates this idea that we must be at all times and continue to carry the weight of the world on our backs. What about those of us who feel as fragile as glass? The ones that struggle and can’t get up? The “carefree black girl” who actually cares a lot and cries alone in her bedroom? It’s this stigma that not only desensitizes other races from empathizing with our pain, but removes innocence from the equation itself, and that’s dangerous. We’re displayed as sexy, “bad”, and beautiful, but we’re never shown as cute and adorable. Be it Movies, TV, or the influx of pop starlets in the media there isn’t a black Zooey Deschanel we can look to and say “yes, I also adore peter pan collar dresses and girl you are slaying with that wash-and-go”.

      It’s as if past age 13 girlish femininity exclusively belongs to white or white passing women. Adjectives like white & pale pink are examples of the racial dichotomy that exists when addressing the semantics of cute. Dig into Tumblr’s trending “nymphet” sub-culture and you’ll witness this first hand. A cross between childhood nostalgia and an obsession with Nabokov’s “Lolita”, Nymphet culture features slender teens with pale skin and long locks appropriating the aesthetic of the film. There is an openness to experimenting with sexuality in an innocent manner; a privilege black women don’t quite feel belongs to them.

     In the eyes of society, we become women even when we aren’t there yet. Sex is introduced at a younger age, and the risk for sexual violence increases. While girlishness is fetishized for white women (an issue in itself), it is rarely a box categorized for black women, and the problem lies in an inability to accept our innocence even sexually. On one side, we have black girls expecting to grow up too fast, and the other, black women who don’t feel they meet the archetypal requirements.

    It all goes back to positive representation, not just for black women, but for all women. We exist in so many dimensions, and having that be visible can make the difference between someone thinking a girl is DTF solely based on her skin.

    The “carefree black girl” was created as an alternative to what Jamala Johns has identified as “the Jezebel, strong black woman, mammy, welfare queen, and video vixen”. A label aimed to encompass the choice “other”, it has eventually taken on a particular identity. Around the country, there are black girls and women who still feel that despite that, they don’t belong to their race and all the pictures of Solange, Janelle Monae, Amandla Stenberg and Willow Smith in the world won’t change that.

    We need to let them and everyone else know it’s okay to not feel powerful. That black women are cute and adorable. That we aren’t queens and goddesses or angelic mystical creatures. We’re human just like everyone else.

“Why Can’t Black Women Be Cute?” by Randi Butler
(via milkandtwee)
okennichiwa
ridethewave365 ridethewave365

I’m getting really fucking tired of hearing how bad these military guys treat women overseas. If you know you’re not in it for the long run don’t fucking waste that woman’s time and get married and/or get her pregnant when your ass is just going to leave her high and dry. This has happened to so many of my friends from back home and I get so heated when guys at work joke about it. That shit is not funny. The shit these women go through and the hate they get for being a single mom and having a mixed child is rough. Not only for the mom but the child too.

You know how fucking shitty it is to grow up never feeling like you belong and constantly getting bullied for LOOKING different. I still had my parents but growing up as a mixed child back in Okinawa was hard, I was bullied and beaten, my mother was constantly projecting her beauty standards on me but it was physically impossible for me comply. She wanted me to stay out of the sun and constantly perm my hair. I lived off base and the neighborhood kids would constantly pick fights with me and my brother. We were constantly called dirty niggers and shithead because of the color of our skin. Apparently having black skin automatically makes you dirty. I’ve heard from other mixed friends who had it far worse, some of them couldn’t attend schools on base so they had to go to local schools and get picked on. Getting beat up, having food spit on, shoes and school supplies stolen, and the teachers didn’t do shit to help.

One of my friends married a Marine and moved with him out to California where she attended school full time and had a part time job. He would be deployed for months and come back and neglect her. No matter how hard she tried to be a loving and understanding wife he wouldn’t acknowledge her unless it was to verbally or physically abuse her.

Another woman I know used to babysit me when I was younger and she’s a really great family friend. She met a military guy and they started dating and all of a sudden she’s taking care of him and his child from a previous marriage. He would beat on her constantly and take her money and threaten her life if she told anyone or reported him to his leadership. She tried and called the cops once and he beat her so bad she never called again. She wouldnt let my family or anyone help her either. Eventually he got kicked out the military and had to leave the island but the abuse he put her through really fucked her up physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I just hate that military men put women through this shit and they get little to no repercussions unless the women fights to get some type of justice. But most of the time they don’t even know about the resources available to them and are left broke, miserable, and a single parent with little to no child support or help from their own families.

I just had to rant because I just got done hearing another personal account and it makes me fucking sick.

afatfox

Anonymous asked:

im plus size and next year im going to go to college/higher education, which means i can't wear my school uniform every day any more and that's gonna be a real problem for me because i have very few clothes/accessories/fashion stuff and what i do have is usually picked by my mother, who is a middle aged woman with very different tastes than me. i know what i want to wear and where i want to shop, but do you have any tips on building a proper wardrobe for yourself? what to buy first? thank you :D

afatfox answered:

hi babe!  so honestly, I have never had to do this.  I’m not sure how solid my advice would be, but I found this online: http://into-mind.com/2014/10/01/rebuilding-your-wardrobe-on-a-budget-what-to-buy-first/ which might be helpful.

For basics, I suppose it really depends on what you’d like to start wearing. I would suggest a pair or two of staple shoes that you’re able to wear with a variety of outfits.  If you live in a place that gets cold, I would suggest a jacket for the same purpose.  

Other good pieces to have - 
- Trusty pair of jeans 
- Basic v-necks/crew neck tops if you ever want to dress casual.  you can also tuck these into skirts to make them less casual
- Leggings.  you can wear these with longer tunics, skirts, dresses, etc etc and they look good with the majority of shoes
- If you want dresses/skirts, then try to find ones that will coordinate well with other pieces in your wardrobe at first.  So say, a black skater skirt.  That will match a variety of different pieces and styles.
- Sweaters/cardigans are also pieces that you may want to pick up.

Like I said, I’ve never had to personally start a wardrobe, but if I were going to..I think this is where I’d start.  Keep in mind that you need to tailor it for YOUR needs, though.  Also, even though a lot of this stuff is basic, if you really really love something that isn’t so basic,  don’t be afraid of buying that if money allows.  OH, also..accessories.  They can amp up casual outfits.  So think jewelry, scarves, glasses, etc

Places that are cheaper to check out: Forever 21, Rue 21, WetSeal, Charlotte Russe, etc
Other places I’d suggest - Torrid (when they’re doing haute cash), SimplyBe, NewLook, CityChic, Target (sometimes), Modcloth, etc

Good luck!  I hope you find several things that you love (:

chirudumi

Okinawa to Hawaii to Tokyo back to Hawaii

softsoundingseas softsoundingseas

Talking to my grandpa about family. My great-great grandfather moved to Hawaii from Okinawa (and at the end of his life, moved back to Okinawa). He had three children from one woman. Two of them were sent to Okinawa at a young age while the youngest was kept in Hawaii and was moved around with different family members. At 14 or 15, the youngest daughter decided to move to Tokyo (our family is from Okinawa) because she hated her situation in Hawaii. She stayed in Japan. She had about 6 children, two who had different fathers moved to Hawaii (not sure why but glad they kept in contact with our family) and those daughters had children in Hawaii while her 4 other children still live in Japan and have had their children in the Tokyo area. How confusing! But pretty interesting information of movement between Japan and Hawaii since it was three different generations

aminadujean96

Anonymous asked:

Hi, Amina. What I'm about to say is because I truly care about seeing black women succeed. You are the same age as me and I admire you a lot. So take this as help and not an insult. I watch you on kawaii IN and know now that you are struggling. I think that there are certain things you can do to improve your image. Firstly one think would be to improve your smile. I know it sounds silly but it is so awkward and does not come across well in pictures at all. It looks fake and... ～|L|～

aminadujean96 answered:

(My answer is below)
“and really uncomfortable. People notice it. Your smile should be your best attribute and for it to look so uncomfortable comes across as bad to everyone on your SN sites. Second is to consider going in the direction of tarento and not aidoru. The reason I say that is because aidoru is so is image based. Sadly despite our BGM we are still not considered cute and I don’t think now is the right time to promote that image. Maybe after a few years of black women being sucessful there. ~|L|~”

Hi. For one I appreciate advice as well as criticism and I think if you had anything worthwhile to say, you wouldn’t say it anonymously.

I haven’t seen the Kawaii.I feature yet so I’m not sure how they chose to portray me but I can attest to you I’m not “struggling” and I enjoy my life very well.

If you want to see black women succeed you wouldn’t discourage me from doing what I have the courage to do. Progress doesn’t happen unless people take chances. If a few people are racist, I’m not going to change them and it’s not my goal to do so.


A lot of people tell me I have a nice smile, so if you think its uncomfortable(lol) then so be it. Some people have sensory disorders that make it hard for them to express how they feel. This isn’t an excuse but I’m on the spectrum and unless I make a conscious effort to smile or “fake smile” people won’t think I look happy.

Either way, your criticism is non-constructive and if you plan on giving your unwarranted two cents in the future, I would advise for it to be transparent(i.e. Not anonymously.)

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